im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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