I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
