please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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