I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
