I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
