Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
