[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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