thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
