I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
they need to just BURY HIM!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize