At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
