Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize