I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
