I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just high enough for therapy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
