I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
