Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
is that a dick in a sweater?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
