It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
