There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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