dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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