doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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