While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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