I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
