I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
