I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
