My room smells like vodka and shame
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
