That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize