I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
