I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
