I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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