So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
