I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
