All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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