I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
