my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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