i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
