I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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