I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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