Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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