just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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