I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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