im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
