I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
