You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
