Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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