there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
