just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
