You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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