i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
