she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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