Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
