do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
