I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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