so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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