remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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