So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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