My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
