so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
