I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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