Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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