So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
