She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
