She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize