We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
