david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
