ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
