you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
