we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude. I can hear the air.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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