i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
