I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
