i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize